Polyamorous Altruism
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Polyamorous Altruism
(Or, Sex Ethics for Young Revolutionaries)
It is difficult to discuss matters important to Jack without at some point focusing on sex. This is probably my most anticipated treatise, as I am sure it has been a mystery to everyone. It is also the longest in some time- so pop open a cold one, this may take a moment.
If you knoow anything about Astrology, the sun sign of Scorpio naturally conjures the image of a very sexual person. The intensity of the zodiac, Scorpio rules the testicles and colon, and people born under this sign tend to have very intense sexual lives, both in variety and veracity. What other people call kinky is a matter of everyday knowledge to me. This is also reflected in the open source philosophy GnoZenTao in the AllBlessing.
“Have fun, don’t die, don’t get caught! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!
If you do, record it! For I do all things, insane or mundane.
Your gods be with you.”
-Azure Phaedras, GnoZenTao
Sex is a vibrant and universal concept in the lives of humans. Exceptions aside, every human being will eventually find themselves skin-to-skin with another human. A few societies regard this as no more or less than a means of reproduction. I wholeheartedly disagree. Even if a couple chooses to have 20 children, that would only be 20 out of countless times they shared coitus. What of all those other times they screwed? Were those moments of passion merely hormone-drenched failures at baby-making?
Oh, such thoughts do cheapen the experience of life.
I say no! Sex is a beautiful and powerful experience that is most sacred, and teaches us more than volumes upon volumes! Nowhere else do you encounter the opportunity to become one with someone so completely. It is working alongside a coworker, it is negotiating a great treaty; it is fighting a great battle, and it is the mutual healing of deep illness. To put it plainly, sex rocks.
“I don’t have a girlfriend, but I do have somebody…
who’d be really mad if they heard me say that.”
-Mitch Hedberg
Monogamy and Digital Sex
I’ve had a long battle with monogamy in my life, and I must say, I have not been the victor. It seems that most of us growing up in Western society have been indoctrinated to harbor a hope deep down to mate for life, and I am no exception. The idea of marrying that special someone, settling down, and spawning a conservative existence with that person was my deepest desire when I was little. Generally this involves the inevitable 2.5 children, a minivan, and a house with a picket fence and wraparound porch. This is not my vision of paradise. Somewhere between the deep analysis of five long-term monogamous relationships, I have become exhausted with the idea of being someone’s only someone, and trusting it to reciprocate.
Although I do enjoy the company of my married friends, and I am happy for them, I still see the jealousy latent in monogamy as a potent liability, a powderkeg ready to destroy the relationship. I see the latent dishonesty in someone attempting to confine themselves to one person, and I think it downright shameful. Don’t lie to your lover. At least be forgiving, of not welcoming, of outside love.
What is Compersion?
It’s your vocabulary word for today.
Compersion is a non-sexual state of empathetic happiness and joy experienced when an individual’s romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest.
Polygamy vs. Polyamory
Many have asked me if I’m still a swinger. I choose to describe myself as polyamorous. This is not to be confused with polygamy. Polygamy, or at least polygyny, compounds the worst parts of marriage, confining a series of people to love only one. It’s not that I keep up multiple relationships necessarily- just that I have a lot of love for a lot of people, and I would feel as if I had betrayed that love if I were to let a partner take command over how I distribute my love.
Despite the fact that monogamous partnerships are the norm where I am from, I truly do feel as if I betray my aquasiblia whenever I partner with a monogamous. I know they understand, and most of them will probably go on to establish monogamous relationships in the future- nonetheless, the feeling is there, and it has been proven practical every time, with a story of some form of tragedy or another.
“Polyamory (from Greek πολυ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.”
-Wikipedia.Org
Many would think that this is a taboo in our society- I am pleased to find the latest edit of the Wikipedia article on polyamory references someone who claims there are half a million of us. It’s also pretty nail-on-head about the differences in terms, so I’ll include that for you, too:
“Polyamory differs from polygamy, which refers to multiple marriage (although the word “polygamy” is often used to refer only to polygyny: one man with several wives.) Traditional polygamy is usually patriarchical and often claims a religious justification. Polyamory, on the other hand, is a more modern outlook grounded in such concepts as gender equality, self-determination, free choice for all involved, mutual trust, equal respect among partners, the intrinsic value of love, the ideal of compersion, and other mostly secular ideals. As of July, 2009 there are estimated to be more than 500,000 polyamorous relationships in the United States”
-Wikipedia.Org
Temporality and the Distribution of Love
Let us not become confused and come to the idea that I do not form lasting, meaningful relationships, or that I’m an all-out hippie manwhore; (although the joke persists) many have commented that Jack, ethics, and sex do not sound like words that go naturally together.
This could not be further from the truth. My ethic involves absolute honesty balanced with complete confidentiality. In my travels, I have come to love many. I don’t see this as unique- certainly this is a common experience! I simply prefer to be honest about it. My love is shared among close friends, former lovers, deities, cities, animals, forces of nature… If you want to change that, then you don’t really love me like you think you do. Imagine a perspective that does not regard time at all- that everyone you were, you still are; everything you will be, you already are.
The Kama Sutra describes various stances of body language, sexual positions, and rituals- according to what status the partner holds with the student. These castes and catagories are too old-school, archaic compared to the insanely diverse social dynamic we now experience in today’s America.
Wives vs Mistresses, People as Castes
I have no desire to collect for myself a harem of wives. I have had mistresses. I figure this to be better, at least in my eyes. A mistress is a master, and to me, it is a greater honor than a wife, the servant of man.
“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.
Specialization is for insects.”
-Robert Anson Heinlein
If the dominate form of life on this planet is indeed a massively complex species- and we are- then why would it be so absurd to treat everyone specially? I see every individual as their own caste, their own culture in and of themselves. Marriage is a massive responsibility, and alludes to a certain linking of two souls- a unique experience that is life-changing. To say, even after several years, that you know someone so well, that you should deny our ployamorous nature (primates don’t mate for life) and assume that this person is the best pair for you out of another 6 billion people…
That’s pretty deep. A man must really be some kind of man to declare such a thing. I’ve tried. One of many instances where I was given humility.
My message to you, the reader, is to be yourself, now. Be not a shadow of what you once were, always borrowing from the past to define yourself. Be not just the makings of your future self, either- be yourself, now. Be a oneness and a wholeness, a wholesomeness that is truly you. Everything you were, you continue to be; everything you will someday be, you need not achieve it, just realize it. When you look at your partner, realize that you are not their sole consort- there are many loves in their lives- this makes you not a second place consideration, but a position of great power and responsibility. To be someone’s partner is to be them, and everything that they are- past, present, and future. Know that if they do consider you their one true love, that you hold a godlike position to them, and that you must wield this power with consideration, care, and a sense of stewardship.
Blessed are those that pair together, but difficult it must be- I do not pity them. Be the best you, now, that you can be- and consider the same for your partner. Your partner will thank you.
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